Journal Entry two. Batch entries.

2/9/09
Experienced another vibrational hallucination. It was the same as previous ones, only this one had some details that were new. From what I can remember, my dream kind of halted, and I became asleep on my right side (in my dream). And I felt a familiar weight on the bridge of my nose. After a short time, it felt as if that pressure turned into a "pull". And at that point, it felt as if my essence began to "peel" off of my physical self. Right as I realized this, I began to vibrate very strongly, a short glimpse of the spiral tunnel, and back to vibrations. I felt a heavy breeze passing my body, accompanied by a whistling wind in my ear. I remember thinking "vibrate, vibrate, VIBRATE". I was really trying to push whatever it was to the limits, and after each statement, the vibrations got stronger and stronger. It really rocked my body. I tried desperately to "lift" or something, but I couldn't tell if I did or not. At one point I began to open my eyes to check if I had succeded. When i opened my eyes I was in a dream. When i commanded myself to wake up, I did, and opened my eyes. I had a weird sensation throughout my body. The kind of sensation that would suggest that my body was in shock from something. It's almost as if it was the residual recovery process from a very intense buzzing - the feeling you get when using a power tool that vibrates your hand so immensely, that there's this sort of hazy feeling in it afterwards. When I woke up it was around 7am.

2/25/09
Made a homemade vaporizer tonight. It granted the ability to achieve a high never before obtained with a pipe. I went into by bedroom and sat down on my bed with my back to my wall. I put on the Hemi-Sync tapes and began to relax. At first it was comfortable, and things were ok. After a while however, a sensation began to envelope me. My head became extremely extremely heavy, and the small surface area where my head rested on the wall felt as if it was smashing into it. My head pulsated with such force.. My body began to heat up and feel so weird, as if i was a droplet of water hanging on to a faucet. my vision began to hallucinate, purple and green began to surge over my legs at me. When i had my eyes closed i felt as if i saw patterns, like droves and droves of figures, or things - in rows, from a sky viewpoint. I felt as if i was in the middle of a circle of people. my breathing became hard, and eventually my fears (which i had been able to control up to this point) overwhelmed my curiosity and I had to stop. it felt as if i was dying. What i had tried to do was focus on the difference in the frequency displayed in the Hemi-Sync tapes. This difference in frequency is both hemispheres of my brain working in unison. What if it is possible to induce your DMT gland during a meditative state? It's something thats effected by emotional responses, like near death experiences and deep sleep. is that what higher forms of meditation obtain?

2/26/09
Smoked again, went into my room to begin meditation. With Hemi-Sync on again, I tried to bring myself to the sensation I received the night before. Within no time I achieved it. The same extreme pressure and discomfort returned in my head. It felt as if my face was splitting right down the side. My brain began to weigh hundreds of pounds. It was so uncomfortable and a few times I almost had to stop. I pushed through all of it, and afterwards these sensations went away. I felt better and I began to drift in and out of sleep. Checkered patterns returned when I closed my eyes, and I felt as if I was phasing in and out, I would open my eyes to find myself disoriented as if I had swung back really quick. My tiredness got the best of me, so I laid down while continuing the Hemi-Sync. At one point, I felt as if I saw the 3d representation of a figure in the back of my eyelids. It was a figure laying down or something, but I don't feel it was me. I tried to concentrate on people, my dad, a girl. I don't know if I got results or not truthfully. I'm having a hard time remember this from the night before, which surprises me because it was such an extreme sensation. As if I was tearing out of my bones and skin.

2/27/09
Marijuana. Slipped into deep sleep. Felt a spark of the ultimate knowledge. Here is how it is translated.

"Our consciousness is a mirror for the universe. "

2/28/09
Drank a couple of beers, no real influence. Went to bed. Dreamed of my house, it was a birthday party, mine perhaps? There were people there i didn't pay attention to, but two girls were there i have had history with. One was Marie, the other Morgan. I didn't pay much attention to Morgan, my gripe was with Marie. She came over, and at first i was estranged. I walked with her to the laundry room in my house. We sat down and talked. I showed understanding, and she did as well. "I was much too interested, and you were in disinterest. But thats fine, thats OK." We both laughed and I woke up. Interestingly enough, this is the second dream I can remember with this specific person in it. In my last dream some month or two ago, i ended up walking in on her cheating on me with another man. It resulted with me throwing both him and her out of a second story window. Not exactly the best decision, even when I wasn't aware it was a dream. This is peculiar, given the explanations from Robert Monroe's books about experiencing "trials" or something similar in his explorations of his mind. Trials that he would re-live over and over in a dream until he chose the correct path. Much like the idea of facing your nightmares, entering the room or confronting the shadowy figure. Maybe the inclination of Morgan is a glimpse of a dream trial I will participate in soon. Both women have had a significant impact on my life, and my progress in relationships and understanding my self.
It came to me that the dream could of been a trial at work later that day. I made the connection out of nowhere. It was as if given the time to forget about it, revisiting the dream from an unbiased perspective given the allotted time, I could understand it better.

3/2/09
---"Qualee!" they yelled, a mans noes rises erect by an unseen supernatural force. it gives proof to another realm/power. woke up. woke up but eyes still closed. felt that thin line, observed that layer between consciousness and dreaming. felt the transition. body still, a tingle fired up and down my abdomen and limbs like electricity. My head was still as if it was suspended in air. this astounded me, i opened my eyes and could see that my head rested on the back cuchon of the couch. It was as if I was being held in space by a tether anchord to the center of my head. i willingly moved to experience a separation, or whatever would follow this suspended sensation. immediatlly my skin remembered pressure, and feeling, and i felt the texture once again against my face.

-nighttime-

Marijuana-
Dimensions and realities are reliant on light. If an obstruction blocks the light illuminating a reality, that reality either doesn't exist any longer, or it is a dimension that becomes hidden in relative to the observer. Can higher dimensions be viewed by merely shifting our position in perspective of the light? Or by removing the obstruct that blocks the light from illuminating a dimension or reality? Where and in what does this obstruct exist? What is the source of the light?

Observer consciousness exists as "pinch" in the overall energy.

I observed the light in my eye, the light it receives is surged with energy when my heart pumps. =**morning**= Pixels, light and dim. Patterns of squares, the checkered stargate- representational of sight? When I closed my eyes, anything I imagined materialized for my actual eyes to see on the back of my eyelids. A lot of X's, colors, squares, movement. I have concluded that the "sphere" I encountered weeks before was actually me. I was capable of controlling this orb through my thoughts. I pictured my finger in my mind, moved it so I could remember what it felt like to move it. Soon after, this orb disappeared from where it was staying, and migrated to my finger. Pressure, a pinch, as if you push the tip of a pencil into your finger. It was slightly hard to concentrate, by merely thinking of the place it wasn't, it would materialize there. Sort of like an organic, inner body telekenesis? If this "pinch" or sensation CAN be controlled, is it possible to concentrate on a certain organ to constrict it? Say perhaps, you could maneuver it to reside in your pineal gland, thus releasing your endogenous DMT? Is this what Buddhist monks and the like practice during meditation? Terence Mckenna reported existing as a "bubble" in his own body, and when he would hallucinate, he would leave the physical body as this "bubble". When we think of a soul, does this soul have to be in the shape of a human being, or is its shape relative to our thoughts?