Sunday, June 21, 2009
Saturday, June 20, 2009
A few things
It is June now, and I have gone through so many mental changes since the last entires on this blog. I have not stopped experimenting with the methods first described here in these journal entries. The experiences have taken on a new body or type. These changes are feeling more elemental then ever, and I've realized that there is more to reality and existence then I ever could of imagined earlier this year. I have had more experiences then I can possibly remember and because of this the "world destroying" realization of these experiences hasn't required such repetitious record keeping.
From here on in I plan to summarize my experiences that have happened over the past months in short entries when they match up with thoughts or feelings I want to convey on a daily basis.
A couple things are certain however, there is a veil, and it is closer then we think.
From here on in I plan to summarize my experiences that have happened over the past months in short entries when they match up with thoughts or feelings I want to convey on a daily basis.
A couple things are certain however, there is a veil, and it is closer then we think.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Journal Entry two. Batch entries.
2/9/09
Experienced another vibrational hallucination. It was the same as previous ones, only this one had some details that were new. From what I can remember, my dream kind of halted, and I became asleep on my right side (in my dream). And I felt a familiar weight on the bridge of my nose. After a short time, it felt as if that pressure turned into a "pull". And at that point, it felt as if my essence began to "peel" off of my physical self. Right as I realized this, I began to vibrate very strongly, a short glimpse of the spiral tunnel, and back to vibrations. I felt a heavy breeze passing my body, accompanied by a whistling wind in my ear. I remember thinking "vibrate, vibrate, VIBRATE". I was really trying to push whatever it was to the limits, and after each statement, the vibrations got stronger and stronger. It really rocked my body. I tried desperately to "lift" or something, but I couldn't tell if I did or not. At one point I began to open my eyes to check if I had succeded. When i opened my eyes I was in a dream. When i commanded myself to wake up, I did, and opened my eyes. I had a weird sensation throughout my body. The kind of sensation that would suggest that my body was in shock from something. It's almost as if it was the residual recovery process from a very intense buzzing - the feeling you get when using a power tool that vibrates your hand so immensely, that there's this sort of hazy feeling in it afterwards. When I woke up it was around 7am.
2/25/09
Made a homemade vaporizer tonight. It granted the ability to achieve a high never before obtained with a pipe. I went into by bedroom and sat down on my bed with my back to my wall. I put on the Hemi-Sync tapes and began to relax. At first it was comfortable, and things were ok. After a while however, a sensation began to envelope me. My head became extremely extremely heavy, and the small surface area where my head rested on the wall felt as if it was smashing into it. My head pulsated with such force.. My body began to heat up and feel so weird, as if i was a droplet of water hanging on to a faucet. my vision began to hallucinate, purple and green began to surge over my legs at me. When i had my eyes closed i felt as if i saw patterns, like droves and droves of figures, or things - in rows, from a sky viewpoint. I felt as if i was in the middle of a circle of people. my breathing became hard, and eventually my fears (which i had been able to control up to this point) overwhelmed my curiosity and I had to stop. it felt as if i was dying. What i had tried to do was focus on the difference in the frequency displayed in the Hemi-Sync tapes. This difference in frequency is both hemispheres of my brain working in unison. What if it is possible to induce your DMT gland during a meditative state? It's something thats effected by emotional responses, like near death experiences and deep sleep. is that what higher forms of meditation obtain?
2/26/09
Smoked again, went into my room to begin meditation. With Hemi-Sync on again, I tried to bring myself to the sensation I received the night before. Within no time I achieved it. The same extreme pressure and discomfort returned in my head. It felt as if my face was splitting right down the side. My brain began to weigh hundreds of pounds. It was so uncomfortable and a few times I almost had to stop. I pushed through all of it, and afterwards these sensations went away. I felt better and I began to drift in and out of sleep. Checkered patterns returned when I closed my eyes, and I felt as if I was phasing in and out, I would open my eyes to find myself disoriented as if I had swung back really quick. My tiredness got the best of me, so I laid down while continuing the Hemi-Sync. At one point, I felt as if I saw the 3d representation of a figure in the back of my eyelids. It was a figure laying down or something, but I don't feel it was me. I tried to concentrate on people, my dad, a girl. I don't know if I got results or not truthfully. I'm having a hard time remember this from the night before, which surprises me because it was such an extreme sensation. As if I was tearing out of my bones and skin.
2/27/09
Marijuana. Slipped into deep sleep. Felt a spark of the ultimate knowledge. Here is how it is translated.
"Our consciousness is a mirror for the universe. "
2/28/09
Drank a couple of beers, no real influence. Went to bed. Dreamed of my house, it was a birthday party, mine perhaps? There were people there i didn't pay attention to, but two girls were there i have had history with. One was Marie, the other Morgan. I didn't pay much attention to Morgan, my gripe was with Marie. She came over, and at first i was estranged. I walked with her to the laundry room in my house. We sat down and talked. I showed understanding, and she did as well. "I was much too interested, and you were in disinterest. But thats fine, thats OK." We both laughed and I woke up. Interestingly enough, this is the second dream I can remember with this specific person in it. In my last dream some month or two ago, i ended up walking in on her cheating on me with another man. It resulted with me throwing both him and her out of a second story window. Not exactly the best decision, even when I wasn't aware it was a dream. This is peculiar, given the explanations from Robert Monroe's books about experiencing "trials" or something similar in his explorations of his mind. Trials that he would re-live over and over in a dream until he chose the correct path. Much like the idea of facing your nightmares, entering the room or confronting the shadowy figure. Maybe the inclination of Morgan is a glimpse of a dream trial I will participate in soon. Both women have had a significant impact on my life, and my progress in relationships and understanding my self.
It came to me that the dream could of been a trial at work later that day. I made the connection out of nowhere. It was as if given the time to forget about it, revisiting the dream from an unbiased perspective given the allotted time, I could understand it better.
3/2/09
---"Qualee!" they yelled, a mans noes rises erect by an unseen supernatural force. it gives proof to another realm/power. woke up. woke up but eyes still closed. felt that thin line, observed that layer between consciousness and dreaming. felt the transition. body still, a tingle fired up and down my abdomen and limbs like electricity. My head was still as if it was suspended in air. this astounded me, i opened my eyes and could see that my head rested on the back cuchon of the couch. It was as if I was being held in space by a tether anchord to the center of my head. i willingly moved to experience a separation, or whatever would follow this suspended sensation. immediatlly my skin remembered pressure, and feeling, and i felt the texture once again against my face.
-nighttime-
Marijuana-
Dimensions and realities are reliant on light. If an obstruction blocks the light illuminating a reality, that reality either doesn't exist any longer, or it is a dimension that becomes hidden in relative to the observer. Can higher dimensions be viewed by merely shifting our position in perspective of the light? Or by removing the obstruct that blocks the light from illuminating a dimension or reality? Where and in what does this obstruct exist? What is the source of the light?
Observer consciousness exists as "pinch" in the overall energy.
I observed the light in my eye, the light it receives is surged with energy when my heart pumps. =**morning**= Pixels, light and dim. Patterns of squares, the checkered stargate- representational of sight? When I closed my eyes, anything I imagined materialized for my actual eyes to see on the back of my eyelids. A lot of X's, colors, squares, movement. I have concluded that the "sphere" I encountered weeks before was actually me. I was capable of controlling this orb through my thoughts. I pictured my finger in my mind, moved it so I could remember what it felt like to move it. Soon after, this orb disappeared from where it was staying, and migrated to my finger. Pressure, a pinch, as if you push the tip of a pencil into your finger. It was slightly hard to concentrate, by merely thinking of the place it wasn't, it would materialize there. Sort of like an organic, inner body telekenesis? If this "pinch" or sensation CAN be controlled, is it possible to concentrate on a certain organ to constrict it? Say perhaps, you could maneuver it to reside in your pineal gland, thus releasing your endogenous DMT? Is this what Buddhist monks and the like practice during meditation? Terence Mckenna reported existing as a "bubble" in his own body, and when he would hallucinate, he would leave the physical body as this "bubble". When we think of a soul, does this soul have to be in the shape of a human being, or is its shape relative to our thoughts?
Experienced another vibrational hallucination. It was the same as previous ones, only this one had some details that were new. From what I can remember, my dream kind of halted, and I became asleep on my right side (in my dream). And I felt a familiar weight on the bridge of my nose. After a short time, it felt as if that pressure turned into a "pull". And at that point, it felt as if my essence began to "peel" off of my physical self. Right as I realized this, I began to vibrate very strongly, a short glimpse of the spiral tunnel, and back to vibrations. I felt a heavy breeze passing my body, accompanied by a whistling wind in my ear. I remember thinking "vibrate, vibrate, VIBRATE". I was really trying to push whatever it was to the limits, and after each statement, the vibrations got stronger and stronger. It really rocked my body. I tried desperately to "lift" or something, but I couldn't tell if I did or not. At one point I began to open my eyes to check if I had succeded. When i opened my eyes I was in a dream. When i commanded myself to wake up, I did, and opened my eyes. I had a weird sensation throughout my body. The kind of sensation that would suggest that my body was in shock from something. It's almost as if it was the residual recovery process from a very intense buzzing - the feeling you get when using a power tool that vibrates your hand so immensely, that there's this sort of hazy feeling in it afterwards. When I woke up it was around 7am.
2/25/09
Made a homemade vaporizer tonight. It granted the ability to achieve a high never before obtained with a pipe. I went into by bedroom and sat down on my bed with my back to my wall. I put on the Hemi-Sync tapes and began to relax. At first it was comfortable, and things were ok. After a while however, a sensation began to envelope me. My head became extremely extremely heavy, and the small surface area where my head rested on the wall felt as if it was smashing into it. My head pulsated with such force.. My body began to heat up and feel so weird, as if i was a droplet of water hanging on to a faucet. my vision began to hallucinate, purple and green began to surge over my legs at me. When i had my eyes closed i felt as if i saw patterns, like droves and droves of figures, or things - in rows, from a sky viewpoint. I felt as if i was in the middle of a circle of people. my breathing became hard, and eventually my fears (which i had been able to control up to this point) overwhelmed my curiosity and I had to stop. it felt as if i was dying. What i had tried to do was focus on the difference in the frequency displayed in the Hemi-Sync tapes. This difference in frequency is both hemispheres of my brain working in unison. What if it is possible to induce your DMT gland during a meditative state? It's something thats effected by emotional responses, like near death experiences and deep sleep. is that what higher forms of meditation obtain?
2/26/09
Smoked again, went into my room to begin meditation. With Hemi-Sync on again, I tried to bring myself to the sensation I received the night before. Within no time I achieved it. The same extreme pressure and discomfort returned in my head. It felt as if my face was splitting right down the side. My brain began to weigh hundreds of pounds. It was so uncomfortable and a few times I almost had to stop. I pushed through all of it, and afterwards these sensations went away. I felt better and I began to drift in and out of sleep. Checkered patterns returned when I closed my eyes, and I felt as if I was phasing in and out, I would open my eyes to find myself disoriented as if I had swung back really quick. My tiredness got the best of me, so I laid down while continuing the Hemi-Sync. At one point, I felt as if I saw the 3d representation of a figure in the back of my eyelids. It was a figure laying down or something, but I don't feel it was me. I tried to concentrate on people, my dad, a girl. I don't know if I got results or not truthfully. I'm having a hard time remember this from the night before, which surprises me because it was such an extreme sensation. As if I was tearing out of my bones and skin.
2/27/09
Marijuana. Slipped into deep sleep. Felt a spark of the ultimate knowledge. Here is how it is translated.
"Our consciousness is a mirror for the universe. "
2/28/09
Drank a couple of beers, no real influence. Went to bed. Dreamed of my house, it was a birthday party, mine perhaps? There were people there i didn't pay attention to, but two girls were there i have had history with. One was Marie, the other Morgan. I didn't pay much attention to Morgan, my gripe was with Marie. She came over, and at first i was estranged. I walked with her to the laundry room in my house. We sat down and talked. I showed understanding, and she did as well. "I was much too interested, and you were in disinterest. But thats fine, thats OK." We both laughed and I woke up. Interestingly enough, this is the second dream I can remember with this specific person in it. In my last dream some month or two ago, i ended up walking in on her cheating on me with another man. It resulted with me throwing both him and her out of a second story window. Not exactly the best decision, even when I wasn't aware it was a dream. This is peculiar, given the explanations from Robert Monroe's books about experiencing "trials" or something similar in his explorations of his mind. Trials that he would re-live over and over in a dream until he chose the correct path. Much like the idea of facing your nightmares, entering the room or confronting the shadowy figure. Maybe the inclination of Morgan is a glimpse of a dream trial I will participate in soon. Both women have had a significant impact on my life, and my progress in relationships and understanding my self.
It came to me that the dream could of been a trial at work later that day. I made the connection out of nowhere. It was as if given the time to forget about it, revisiting the dream from an unbiased perspective given the allotted time, I could understand it better.
3/2/09
---"Qualee!" they yelled, a mans noes rises erect by an unseen supernatural force. it gives proof to another realm/power. woke up. woke up but eyes still closed. felt that thin line, observed that layer between consciousness and dreaming. felt the transition. body still, a tingle fired up and down my abdomen and limbs like electricity. My head was still as if it was suspended in air. this astounded me, i opened my eyes and could see that my head rested on the back cuchon of the couch. It was as if I was being held in space by a tether anchord to the center of my head. i willingly moved to experience a separation, or whatever would follow this suspended sensation. immediatlly my skin remembered pressure, and feeling, and i felt the texture once again against my face.
-nighttime-
Marijuana-
Dimensions and realities are reliant on light. If an obstruction blocks the light illuminating a reality, that reality either doesn't exist any longer, or it is a dimension that becomes hidden in relative to the observer. Can higher dimensions be viewed by merely shifting our position in perspective of the light? Or by removing the obstruct that blocks the light from illuminating a dimension or reality? Where and in what does this obstruct exist? What is the source of the light?
Observer consciousness exists as "pinch" in the overall energy.
I observed the light in my eye, the light it receives is surged with energy when my heart pumps. =**morning**= Pixels, light and dim. Patterns of squares, the checkered stargate- representational of sight? When I closed my eyes, anything I imagined materialized for my actual eyes to see on the back of my eyelids. A lot of X's, colors, squares, movement. I have concluded that the "sphere" I encountered weeks before was actually me. I was capable of controlling this orb through my thoughts. I pictured my finger in my mind, moved it so I could remember what it felt like to move it. Soon after, this orb disappeared from where it was staying, and migrated to my finger. Pressure, a pinch, as if you push the tip of a pencil into your finger. It was slightly hard to concentrate, by merely thinking of the place it wasn't, it would materialize there. Sort of like an organic, inner body telekenesis? If this "pinch" or sensation CAN be controlled, is it possible to concentrate on a certain organ to constrict it? Say perhaps, you could maneuver it to reside in your pineal gland, thus releasing your endogenous DMT? Is this what Buddhist monks and the like practice during meditation? Terence Mckenna reported existing as a "bubble" in his own body, and when he would hallucinate, he would leave the physical body as this "bubble". When we think of a soul, does this soul have to be in the shape of a human being, or is its shape relative to our thoughts?
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Journal Entry one. Batch entries.
Here is the journal I have kept of my experiences with Robert Monroe's methods. These were written very shortly after I experienced them in some cases, and even written during them. I ask that you keep an open mind, and before claiming im a kook - begin to ask "why" instead. And never stop asking why.
January 2009
Dream 1 - laying in my bed, all reality was as true as i could see it. Couldn't sit up, felt as if i was being held down, or trapped. I tried and tried and couldn't raise my face. My whole body was too heavy to lift. I looked left, and i saw what seemed to be a bright white being laying on its stomach next to me. In complete fear, and knowing that i couldn't move to run away or swat it away, i began to blow at it. funny really, but in my dream it was the only thing i could do to show resistance. dream ended right afterward. woke up stressed out.
Post Dream 2 - Woke up from a dream I don't remember. My body felt very weird. The best way i could describe it was a buzzing or humming feeling throughout my whole body. Coupled with this was a sensation of heat, or warmth shooting in waves from my head to my feet. The heat seemed to collect at my feet, but never grew past it. After sitting up and drinking water, the sensations subsided and i fell asleep.
***Worth noting: After waking up and feeling this, I checked my pulse and noticed that my heart rate was normal, and my heart rate never rose throughout the whole experience. It felt as if the sensation acted outside of my physiology? No fever, chills or sickness followed in the days after this experience. A history of panic attacks and anxiety problems and no heart rate change?
These two events are all prior to me receiving Robert Monroe's book, and/or knowledge of the details about OOBE's.
1/14/09
Prior to laying down to bed, I turned off my computer, phone, and replaced my sweater with one that didn't have a zipper or metal rings for the string holes. I did these things as outlined in Robert Monroe's book to remove any chance of interruptions or distractions, and to remove any possibility of the metal i wear messing with any flow of electricity he believes flows through you during the process. I laid down to bed, with my head facing north. It was not my usual orientation when laying down, so It felt upside down. As I laid I kept still, but relaxed. I kept my eyes closed throughout the cycle. I tried to concentrate on my eyes closed. Eventually my mind began to slip and I felt the fleeting of consciousness start. I try focusing on different distances as Mr. Monroe outlined while my eyes were closed. My body was still so still, but still relaxed. The sensation of feeling my body started to fade. At this time my memory is hazy. Almost without warning I felt a disassociation with my body. The best way to describe it was it felt like the reception of my body was being disturbed, and my "second body" began to warp and distort within my physical self. I felt motion disorientation as I began to feel movement left, and then right - each time snapping back. My body became very warm, and I kept keen waiting for vibrations of any sort ( or anything close to what I experienced the week before.) Instead of the vibrations, it almost felt as my core (chest, abdomen etc. ) began to vanish?, or float in place - inside my physical self. This sensation was immediately exciting, and my heart began to throb in my chest. I tried to calm myself, but my (body) seemed to be very anxious of it. I say this because in my mind, I kept calm and talked myself down - but my heart still pounded out of my chest. I feel the need to express that my fear/excitement was very very real, and that sensation was truly something else. I've experienced panic attacks, and have had a history of anxiety. This sensation was something very different, and I'm not surprised in the least my body reacted the way it did. My physician says that my body reacts accordingly due to what he claimed was "post-traumatic stress" for the body, due to my 9 month case of prostatitus and all of its forms. After I calmed down and attempted again with no success. I had though i had disconnected my arms for a while, but couldn't "raise" them or anything. As of writing this now, my arms feel stressed and my stomach is wrenched. Slight nausia.
1/22/09
Woke up around 7am and went pee, couldnt fall back to sleep. Drifted in and out of sleepiness until event at 8:45 this morning. In my dream I was in what would be deemed as a "travel", but I'm not entirely confident it was "real". In it I was walking through the house of an ex girlfriend, There i was accompanied by 2 girl companions I've met over the years, and a third I cant remember. We knew to perform a sexual act, and apparently did in an instant? But felt like we didnt. We were interupted by noise and a group came in the front door. It was a bunch of children I've never seen before, but they all had very distinct features as if they were real. They could see me and stopped to watch me. My ex's girlfriend came in with another adult and they could not see me. I wish to be "home" and I warped back into what would be my body. Heres where I'm unconfident. My bed was my bed, but I was back at my home in Ayer. There I was "waking up from a dream" in my dream. While there, I felt vibrations (and with my eyes closed) i felt i was a spiral tunnel with what could only be described as runewords with a spec of light at the end. I also heard what seemed like wind rushing by my ear. The vibrations were pretty powerful but came in waves. The waves of vibration and the spiral tunnel coinscided with eachother when they happened. At one point, I felt as if I seperated, and I wanted to see my body to confirm. I completed this task, (partially at least - I still dont know how to see consistantly with my eyes closed. The only way to describe it is the physical sensation of having your eyes closed, but sight like its clear day - comes and goes.) and wished to return to my body. I didnt feel a rush and/or wasnt sure if I had returned, so I began to move and sat up in bed. Felt as if I was where I should be, and felt that the place i was in before was familiar but not here unfortunantly. This coupled with the fact that when I viewed myself, I saw the back of my head with covers over me, and my head even seemed to turn as my body rolled over in bed? When waking up, I noticed my hood was over my head, thus leading me to speculate that it was either not me, or just a complete fabrication of the whole experience/event in my dream. One thing to note however, the vibrations were felt even a small instant after sitting up. And prior to sitting up, it felt as if I was aware yet eyes closed (unsure if I had returned or not, and afraid to find out what would happened if I woke up and hadnt yet.) It could very well be possible that I was just dreaming, but the dreaming began to initiate what would be considered the beginning stages of an OOBE.
Note: No high heart rate or disorientation after waking up. Began reading the first pages of Far Journeys. Wonder if my reintigration into this has either sparked the experience again, or if its a vabrication of what I had read prior to falling asleep.
1/29/09 9:21am
Woke up to goto the bathroom. After laying back down, I proceeded to lay on my stomach. After becoming uncomfortable, I turned my head so I would be laying on my stomach with my face facing the wall instead. Shortly thereafter, with my eyes closed, I began to feel like I was seeing a winter road through the windshield of a car. That vision faded, and then I saw what seemed to be an infinite amount of squiggling (bacteria?) Right after this they dissapeared, and I saw the spinning runes again. This was accompanied by the strong vibration. I remember even feeling myself laying on my arm while I vibrated. When the vibrations went away, I felt as if I began to fall through my bed. Then, I attempted to float up and hover just above my body. After feeling like I should wake, I tried to open my eyes to "return". When I did I got up from bed, but when I got up my room was different - but it still felt like my room. In my room was a desktop, but the computer was dismantled with a disc in the tray. I noticed the shade was opened at the window as well. I was puzzled and figured I would go get my roomate to complain. When I entered his room, his room was empty save for a small tv stand - he was not present. I became very confused, and then I woke up. This is another instance where I was certain I was experiencing the vibrations that precede an OOBE, but wound up in what would seem like a dream. I cannot tell the difference between the point where I actually fell asleep, or if I fell asleep due to it? I'm dismayed. I can't figure out why this keeps happening in this way. It feels SO real when it happens, only to be surprised when I wake up (as in wake up for real, not wake up into another dream). And thats another thing, I seem to make a habit of that, waking up twice. Is this just my imagination?
Note: I had read a couple chapters of Far Journeys before going to bed. However, those chapters were different in nature, and my experience didn't resemble anything I had read. Did simply reading that book encourage my imagination to hallucinate the next morning? If so, how did it know WHAT exactly to hallucinate? Or, does reading the book remind me of it - thus activating it in my subconscious. If it is all a dream, then my imagination is very very creative. Given the fact that the vibrations and sensations are all so so real. And don't just tell me thats the way it is. We are all pretty much experts with dreams, having experienced them every night our entire lives. I'm not trying to make these recent cases special, but merely try to ask the simple question, "why".
This sensation 1/29/09 10:01pm
-This is all after smoking marijuanna that evening-
feels like a pinch, or orb wrapping around in my head. It has a travel path, down over my face, in between my eyes to the core of my skull. It goes side to side of my head.I felt it loop down from the top of my head past my face and over my mouth! under my chin and then it settles in the direct center of my head. - after it flew the the top left of my head.!!
my body is twitching randomly
shaking
hyper aware
im going to try and feel it again.
theres two now. i feel like i might of split it! i was trying to see if i could tell it to move somewhere else in my head. and while trying to send it right, i think it split. Its growing now. im becoming worried.
it has decided to station itself over my left eye. it feels really heavy and is shooting things down into my left neck. i dont how to describe, it has a route in which the pinch follows.
its spread to under my left armpit and to my chest. its like a burning or frozen feeling.im afraid. its stationed at my prostate. its moving up my urethra. it feels very uncomfortable. it feels like a goddamn surgery. whole body shivering now.maybe im cold.
**morning - at one point i texted a friend to tell him of what i was experiencing, just incase "something" happened. While we conversed, the shaking became very profound. This worried me greatly, i was wondering if this was the beginning stages of a break down or panic attack. But then, there was a point where i felt like I knew why. I quickly disposed of the phone onto my bed, and then my shiverings disapeared! It was as if the electrical radiation from the phone was interfering with whatever was happening to me. I wanted to test this so i picked it up again, the shivers didnt come back right away, but i felt like my current mind state would of made myself shiver for even holding it anyways now. so i put it back down. prior to this i shivered at my computer, also an electronic device.
when i thought i might of been cold, i went and layed down under the covers of my bed to be warm. the sensation continued. at one point when i was hunched over in my bed, i felt like the sensation had moved to the top left of my back. it was a larger sensation, like the one i had felt under my left arm. It was concentrated, as if something was working on my back. I then felt the pinch/orb/pressure moving up and down the left side of my spine. it literally went all the way down, then all the way up to my neck - and my whole neck stiffened when it did! At one point i became very tired, so i layed down on my side and began to drift into sleep. On two occasions, i was awakened by a flash of hot concentrated on my left knee as i lay on my right side (the knee that was on top). The only way to really describe it was it felt like a slap! And when i had snapped out of falling asleep, i had realized that the "balls" pinches/pressures whatever were all in the center of my head, and then seeing that i had snapped out of sleep, continued back down into my body. At one point i felt like i was being carried, given the position of what felt like hands at certain places on my body. At this point i fell asleep and then had dreams that werent related to anything. a normal night sleep. Throughout the experience, it had felt as if this "orb" traveled around inside my body, as if i was completely comprised of water.
1/30/09 9am
This morning i began to read Far Journeys. Within two pages, I had read a paragraph describing nearly the same sensation i had had! And then i came across another paragraph describing the same sensation, and the person described it as medical treatment for the energy body, not really the physical! This wasnt just me looking for this stuff, these are ACTUAL paragraphs outlinging this SPECIFIC sensation, and AT NO POINT was this covered in the books beforehand - nor had i read ANYTHING about this. it reminds me of the first "vibrations" i had felt the week before recieving Journeys out of the Body.
The biggest thing about last nights experiences was that I knew, I had felt, the purpose of it. I knew that it wasn't malevolant, i knew i was going to be Ok - but i was still frightened given my lack of understanding. It had a "trust" feeling with it.
2/1/09
I have begun my exploration of the Monroe Gateway Program tapes. Finished up to Discovery 2 - Intro to Focus 10. Strange sensations throughout the first and second sessions in Discovery. In the first session, I began to drift asleep, and was awoken from what felt like shocks of electricity or twitches. Had a very very heavy sensation on the top of my nose. It weighed down so heavily, it felt like it was falling into my skull. In the second session, similar sensations took place. This time, while in relaxation, I felt something pressing against the right side of my jaw near my teeth. It felt like it was pushing it to the point where it was about to break, but not so much so? I adjusted because it came increasingly uncomfortable, and experienced what seemed to be a light, faint resistance. I also felt a sensation in my left pinky (which was stationary to my side). It became frigidly cold, I almost moved to check if my blanket was properly over me - but chose not to because I knew I had done so properly. The cold became more prevalent, and after a while, it felt as if my pinky was resting on a slap of cold steel or ice. To accompany these strange sensations, another arose in my shins. They felt terribly terrible heavy, as if the muscle and skin was going to tear right off the bone. This sensation was very uncomfortable, and nearly lost my discipline to move and end it. In the part of the second session where the narrator starts to walk you through relaxing your entire body in segments, I seemed to of lost consciousness after it had me relax my eye lids. (not for any specific reason) I believe I was dreaming because it felt as an instant - and I was awake. When I woke up, I found that the narrator had just begun to inform you that you have ended this session, and to get up and stretch. I found this odd, I had listened to session two on my walk to work and the narrator goes through moving that sequential relaxation down from your face and head to your whole body. And the point when the narrator informs your of your completion is of no specific, or importance as an event itself. I found it odd my "coincidence" of waking up at that point in time.
I had experienced other sensations throughout the two sessions, such as the beginning of session one, when you are first introduced to the Hemi-Sync. With my eyes closed, I kept seeing a flicker of light - then a sensation of disorientation, as if I was becoming surged. I had also experienced sensations of intense heat, and feelings of displacement in my bed (as if I was bouncing, or sliding back and fourth like a film reel skipping).
January 2009
Dream 1 - laying in my bed, all reality was as true as i could see it. Couldn't sit up, felt as if i was being held down, or trapped. I tried and tried and couldn't raise my face. My whole body was too heavy to lift. I looked left, and i saw what seemed to be a bright white being laying on its stomach next to me. In complete fear, and knowing that i couldn't move to run away or swat it away, i began to blow at it. funny really, but in my dream it was the only thing i could do to show resistance. dream ended right afterward. woke up stressed out.
Post Dream 2 - Woke up from a dream I don't remember. My body felt very weird. The best way i could describe it was a buzzing or humming feeling throughout my whole body. Coupled with this was a sensation of heat, or warmth shooting in waves from my head to my feet. The heat seemed to collect at my feet, but never grew past it. After sitting up and drinking water, the sensations subsided and i fell asleep.
***Worth noting: After waking up and feeling this, I checked my pulse and noticed that my heart rate was normal, and my heart rate never rose throughout the whole experience. It felt as if the sensation acted outside of my physiology? No fever, chills or sickness followed in the days after this experience. A history of panic attacks and anxiety problems and no heart rate change?
These two events are all prior to me receiving Robert Monroe's book, and/or knowledge of the details about OOBE's.
1/14/09
Prior to laying down to bed, I turned off my computer, phone, and replaced my sweater with one that didn't have a zipper or metal rings for the string holes. I did these things as outlined in Robert Monroe's book to remove any chance of interruptions or distractions, and to remove any possibility of the metal i wear messing with any flow of electricity he believes flows through you during the process. I laid down to bed, with my head facing north. It was not my usual orientation when laying down, so It felt upside down. As I laid I kept still, but relaxed. I kept my eyes closed throughout the cycle. I tried to concentrate on my eyes closed. Eventually my mind began to slip and I felt the fleeting of consciousness start. I try focusing on different distances as Mr. Monroe outlined while my eyes were closed. My body was still so still, but still relaxed. The sensation of feeling my body started to fade. At this time my memory is hazy. Almost without warning I felt a disassociation with my body. The best way to describe it was it felt like the reception of my body was being disturbed, and my "second body" began to warp and distort within my physical self. I felt motion disorientation as I began to feel movement left, and then right - each time snapping back. My body became very warm, and I kept keen waiting for vibrations of any sort ( or anything close to what I experienced the week before.) Instead of the vibrations, it almost felt as my core (chest, abdomen etc. ) began to vanish?, or float in place - inside my physical self. This sensation was immediately exciting, and my heart began to throb in my chest. I tried to calm myself, but my (body) seemed to be very anxious of it. I say this because in my mind, I kept calm and talked myself down - but my heart still pounded out of my chest. I feel the need to express that my fear/excitement was very very real, and that sensation was truly something else. I've experienced panic attacks, and have had a history of anxiety. This sensation was something very different, and I'm not surprised in the least my body reacted the way it did. My physician says that my body reacts accordingly due to what he claimed was "post-traumatic stress" for the body, due to my 9 month case of prostatitus and all of its forms. After I calmed down and attempted again with no success. I had though i had disconnected my arms for a while, but couldn't "raise" them or anything. As of writing this now, my arms feel stressed and my stomach is wrenched. Slight nausia.
1/22/09
Woke up around 7am and went pee, couldnt fall back to sleep. Drifted in and out of sleepiness until event at 8:45 this morning. In my dream I was in what would be deemed as a "travel", but I'm not entirely confident it was "real". In it I was walking through the house of an ex girlfriend, There i was accompanied by 2 girl companions I've met over the years, and a third I cant remember. We knew to perform a sexual act, and apparently did in an instant? But felt like we didnt. We were interupted by noise and a group came in the front door. It was a bunch of children I've never seen before, but they all had very distinct features as if they were real. They could see me and stopped to watch me. My ex's girlfriend came in with another adult and they could not see me. I wish to be "home" and I warped back into what would be my body. Heres where I'm unconfident. My bed was my bed, but I was back at my home in Ayer. There I was "waking up from a dream" in my dream. While there, I felt vibrations (and with my eyes closed) i felt i was a spiral tunnel with what could only be described as runewords with a spec of light at the end. I also heard what seemed like wind rushing by my ear. The vibrations were pretty powerful but came in waves. The waves of vibration and the spiral tunnel coinscided with eachother when they happened. At one point, I felt as if I seperated, and I wanted to see my body to confirm. I completed this task, (partially at least - I still dont know how to see consistantly with my eyes closed. The only way to describe it is the physical sensation of having your eyes closed, but sight like its clear day - comes and goes.) and wished to return to my body. I didnt feel a rush and/or wasnt sure if I had returned, so I began to move and sat up in bed. Felt as if I was where I should be, and felt that the place i was in before was familiar but not here unfortunantly. This coupled with the fact that when I viewed myself, I saw the back of my head with covers over me, and my head even seemed to turn as my body rolled over in bed? When waking up, I noticed my hood was over my head, thus leading me to speculate that it was either not me, or just a complete fabrication of the whole experience/event in my dream. One thing to note however, the vibrations were felt even a small instant after sitting up. And prior to sitting up, it felt as if I was aware yet eyes closed (unsure if I had returned or not, and afraid to find out what would happened if I woke up and hadnt yet.) It could very well be possible that I was just dreaming, but the dreaming began to initiate what would be considered the beginning stages of an OOBE.
Note: No high heart rate or disorientation after waking up. Began reading the first pages of Far Journeys. Wonder if my reintigration into this has either sparked the experience again, or if its a vabrication of what I had read prior to falling asleep.
1/29/09 9:21am
Woke up to goto the bathroom. After laying back down, I proceeded to lay on my stomach. After becoming uncomfortable, I turned my head so I would be laying on my stomach with my face facing the wall instead. Shortly thereafter, with my eyes closed, I began to feel like I was seeing a winter road through the windshield of a car. That vision faded, and then I saw what seemed to be an infinite amount of squiggling (bacteria?) Right after this they dissapeared, and I saw the spinning runes again. This was accompanied by the strong vibration. I remember even feeling myself laying on my arm while I vibrated. When the vibrations went away, I felt as if I began to fall through my bed. Then, I attempted to float up and hover just above my body. After feeling like I should wake, I tried to open my eyes to "return". When I did I got up from bed, but when I got up my room was different - but it still felt like my room. In my room was a desktop, but the computer was dismantled with a disc in the tray. I noticed the shade was opened at the window as well. I was puzzled and figured I would go get my roomate to complain. When I entered his room, his room was empty save for a small tv stand - he was not present. I became very confused, and then I woke up. This is another instance where I was certain I was experiencing the vibrations that precede an OOBE, but wound up in what would seem like a dream. I cannot tell the difference between the point where I actually fell asleep, or if I fell asleep due to it? I'm dismayed. I can't figure out why this keeps happening in this way. It feels SO real when it happens, only to be surprised when I wake up (as in wake up for real, not wake up into another dream). And thats another thing, I seem to make a habit of that, waking up twice. Is this just my imagination?
Note: I had read a couple chapters of Far Journeys before going to bed. However, those chapters were different in nature, and my experience didn't resemble anything I had read. Did simply reading that book encourage my imagination to hallucinate the next morning? If so, how did it know WHAT exactly to hallucinate? Or, does reading the book remind me of it - thus activating it in my subconscious. If it is all a dream, then my imagination is very very creative. Given the fact that the vibrations and sensations are all so so real. And don't just tell me thats the way it is. We are all pretty much experts with dreams, having experienced them every night our entire lives. I'm not trying to make these recent cases special, but merely try to ask the simple question, "why".
This sensation 1/29/09 10:01pm
-This is all after smoking marijuanna that evening-
feels like a pinch, or orb wrapping around in my head. It has a travel path, down over my face, in between my eyes to the core of my skull. It goes side to side of my head.I felt it loop down from the top of my head past my face and over my mouth! under my chin and then it settles in the direct center of my head. - after it flew the the top left of my head.!!
my body is twitching randomly
shaking
hyper aware
im going to try and feel it again.
theres two now. i feel like i might of split it! i was trying to see if i could tell it to move somewhere else in my head. and while trying to send it right, i think it split. Its growing now. im becoming worried.
it has decided to station itself over my left eye. it feels really heavy and is shooting things down into my left neck. i dont how to describe, it has a route in which the pinch follows.
its spread to under my left armpit and to my chest. its like a burning or frozen feeling.im afraid. its stationed at my prostate. its moving up my urethra. it feels very uncomfortable. it feels like a goddamn surgery. whole body shivering now.maybe im cold.
**morning - at one point i texted a friend to tell him of what i was experiencing, just incase "something" happened. While we conversed, the shaking became very profound. This worried me greatly, i was wondering if this was the beginning stages of a break down or panic attack. But then, there was a point where i felt like I knew why. I quickly disposed of the phone onto my bed, and then my shiverings disapeared! It was as if the electrical radiation from the phone was interfering with whatever was happening to me. I wanted to test this so i picked it up again, the shivers didnt come back right away, but i felt like my current mind state would of made myself shiver for even holding it anyways now. so i put it back down. prior to this i shivered at my computer, also an electronic device.
when i thought i might of been cold, i went and layed down under the covers of my bed to be warm. the sensation continued. at one point when i was hunched over in my bed, i felt like the sensation had moved to the top left of my back. it was a larger sensation, like the one i had felt under my left arm. It was concentrated, as if something was working on my back. I then felt the pinch/orb/pressure moving up and down the left side of my spine. it literally went all the way down, then all the way up to my neck - and my whole neck stiffened when it did! At one point i became very tired, so i layed down on my side and began to drift into sleep. On two occasions, i was awakened by a flash of hot concentrated on my left knee as i lay on my right side (the knee that was on top). The only way to really describe it was it felt like a slap! And when i had snapped out of falling asleep, i had realized that the "balls" pinches/pressures whatever were all in the center of my head, and then seeing that i had snapped out of sleep, continued back down into my body. At one point i felt like i was being carried, given the position of what felt like hands at certain places on my body. At this point i fell asleep and then had dreams that werent related to anything. a normal night sleep. Throughout the experience, it had felt as if this "orb" traveled around inside my body, as if i was completely comprised of water.
1/30/09 9am
This morning i began to read Far Journeys. Within two pages, I had read a paragraph describing nearly the same sensation i had had! And then i came across another paragraph describing the same sensation, and the person described it as medical treatment for the energy body, not really the physical! This wasnt just me looking for this stuff, these are ACTUAL paragraphs outlinging this SPECIFIC sensation, and AT NO POINT was this covered in the books beforehand - nor had i read ANYTHING about this. it reminds me of the first "vibrations" i had felt the week before recieving Journeys out of the Body.
The biggest thing about last nights experiences was that I knew, I had felt, the purpose of it. I knew that it wasn't malevolant, i knew i was going to be Ok - but i was still frightened given my lack of understanding. It had a "trust" feeling with it.
2/1/09
I have begun my exploration of the Monroe Gateway Program tapes. Finished up to Discovery 2 - Intro to Focus 10. Strange sensations throughout the first and second sessions in Discovery. In the first session, I began to drift asleep, and was awoken from what felt like shocks of electricity or twitches. Had a very very heavy sensation on the top of my nose. It weighed down so heavily, it felt like it was falling into my skull. In the second session, similar sensations took place. This time, while in relaxation, I felt something pressing against the right side of my jaw near my teeth. It felt like it was pushing it to the point where it was about to break, but not so much so? I adjusted because it came increasingly uncomfortable, and experienced what seemed to be a light, faint resistance. I also felt a sensation in my left pinky (which was stationary to my side). It became frigidly cold, I almost moved to check if my blanket was properly over me - but chose not to because I knew I had done so properly. The cold became more prevalent, and after a while, it felt as if my pinky was resting on a slap of cold steel or ice. To accompany these strange sensations, another arose in my shins. They felt terribly terrible heavy, as if the muscle and skin was going to tear right off the bone. This sensation was very uncomfortable, and nearly lost my discipline to move and end it. In the part of the second session where the narrator starts to walk you through relaxing your entire body in segments, I seemed to of lost consciousness after it had me relax my eye lids. (not for any specific reason) I believe I was dreaming because it felt as an instant - and I was awake. When I woke up, I found that the narrator had just begun to inform you that you have ended this session, and to get up and stretch. I found this odd, I had listened to session two on my walk to work and the narrator goes through moving that sequential relaxation down from your face and head to your whole body. And the point when the narrator informs your of your completion is of no specific, or importance as an event itself. I found it odd my "coincidence" of waking up at that point in time.
I had experienced other sensations throughout the two sessions, such as the beginning of session one, when you are first introduced to the Hemi-Sync. With my eyes closed, I kept seeing a flicker of light - then a sensation of disorientation, as if I was becoming surged. I had also experienced sensations of intense heat, and feelings of displacement in my bed (as if I was bouncing, or sliding back and fourth like a film reel skipping).
Beginnings.
"What if I told you everything you thought you knew was a lie?"
I'd like to begin by introducing a character. His name is Bob. Bob has a small house with two kids. His wife is quite plain, and his work-life is neither exciting nor is it labor intensive. Bob goes to work everyday at 9 am, and comes home everyday at 5 pm. Our friend Bob here enjoys watching TV with his free time, and making sure his kids stay out of trouble. He doesn't converse much with his wife, for he doesn't believe that's her purpose. Bob believes that his wife is a beacon of comfort to come home to, and someone to trust the care of his children in. Bob has friends for talking to. His children aren't anything special, the boy gets in trouble from time to time, and the girl constantly asks questions for no reason. Bob likes his football game in the afternoon, or baseball have you. Our character Bob here never really goes out much, he wishes deep down that he could do things during the day, for he feels as if his job keeps the day away from him, and he is only allowed to have free time at night. Bob dwells on how much time he wastes in traffic each morning and evening. Now, he realizes he can't seem to find the mail anywhere in the house. Bob soon finds out that it's still out in the mailbox, and that his wife never went out to get it - even though she was home all day doing "nothing". Having came back in now with the stack of bills in his hand, Bob retires again to the couch in the living room. His night now on the verge of being ruined because of this mail, and unrealistic expectation of a "perfect un-eventfull night", he now finds out that he cant hear the TV because the kids are arguing in the next room. At this point, our friend Bob has had it. He decides that raging through the house is not tonight, because that was how he handled being home last night. Tonight, Bob will just go to bed early - for it is his only escape from his secondary job at home. Then in an instant, the alarm sounds. Its 730 am, time for work.
In a world where we are taught that you should express fairness, when the world isn't fair. In a world where we are taught that it is our right to have freedom, and people are enslaved. In a world where we are culturalized into certainty, when everything is uncertain. I have had my share of experiences in this world, not any more important than yours or the next persons. I have read my share of information pertaining to this world we inhabit that is of sadening nature. I have lost so much faith in the illusion that had been distilled in me since my birth into this machine of society. It would be pure ludicrousy and illogical for me to continue to strive for anything better, drowning in a sea of shit beyond anything you or I could imagine. So why, why bother to change anything - the ocean is so vast and so strong that not even all the winds of the earth could displace it onto land, or cast it into the sky.
There are many levels of opression that one must overcome in order to understand how pathetic, and beautiful our little existance is. We are enslaved at the highest level, down the spectrum, to the lowest level. We are imprisoned so efficiently in our own mind, that there is no need to take it to such a militaristic or totalitarian level. Without devoulging into my opinions about goverment, kings, leaders, and secret powers of the world (of which I have so so many); I want to sit with you and help you help me shake the trash from our bodies and mind. To thrust ourselves into something much more real, even if it has a risk. Because it comes down to a simple question, Do you wish to live in your own world, or in the world of somebody elses? And if the latter, then do not complain when the decisions are made for you, and are made poorly.
"-Everything- is just a matter of time."
In the specific exploration of my own mind and self. I have come across something that I have never taken notice of or thought to give mind to. Recently, I have been reading the books of Robert Monroe - a pioneer in OOBE (out of body experiences) . His words are insightful, his approach logical, and curiousity; I'm envious of that. His work shines hope on something that they dont even teach in school. That something has yet to be discovered. We are taught that everything is known for the most part, and to just go along with it. If any new belief systems emerge, they are squashed. If any changes are brought fourth, they are discarded. And so is the nature of human beings, fear. Fear of change, fear of uncertainty. The compelte fear of losing ones life, ones only life. Imagine, being held at gunpoint - and holding your only silver dollar. The one silver dollar that keeps your alive. And the other holding the gun proclaims that "you better keep it close, or else someone could take it in but an instant." You go throughout your life, cheating others, leaving others to lose their coin. You become terribly selfish, and impose that selfishness on your children, friends, family. And it is not until you lose that coin, that you realize how little it was on the grand scheme of things. That one coin, that one coin that was given to provide you with life, became the one coin that deprived you of life. And why?
Because somebody imposed that idea on you.
And with that I will begin this blog. I plan to make these little exerpts from time to time - or even frequently.
I'd like to begin by introducing a character. His name is Bob. Bob has a small house with two kids. His wife is quite plain, and his work-life is neither exciting nor is it labor intensive. Bob goes to work everyday at 9 am, and comes home everyday at 5 pm. Our friend Bob here enjoys watching TV with his free time, and making sure his kids stay out of trouble. He doesn't converse much with his wife, for he doesn't believe that's her purpose. Bob believes that his wife is a beacon of comfort to come home to, and someone to trust the care of his children in. Bob has friends for talking to. His children aren't anything special, the boy gets in trouble from time to time, and the girl constantly asks questions for no reason. Bob likes his football game in the afternoon, or baseball have you. Our character Bob here never really goes out much, he wishes deep down that he could do things during the day, for he feels as if his job keeps the day away from him, and he is only allowed to have free time at night. Bob dwells on how much time he wastes in traffic each morning and evening. Now, he realizes he can't seem to find the mail anywhere in the house. Bob soon finds out that it's still out in the mailbox, and that his wife never went out to get it - even though she was home all day doing "nothing". Having came back in now with the stack of bills in his hand, Bob retires again to the couch in the living room. His night now on the verge of being ruined because of this mail, and unrealistic expectation of a "perfect un-eventfull night", he now finds out that he cant hear the TV because the kids are arguing in the next room. At this point, our friend Bob has had it. He decides that raging through the house is not tonight, because that was how he handled being home last night. Tonight, Bob will just go to bed early - for it is his only escape from his secondary job at home. Then in an instant, the alarm sounds. Its 730 am, time for work.
In a world where we are taught that you should express fairness, when the world isn't fair. In a world where we are taught that it is our right to have freedom, and people are enslaved. In a world where we are culturalized into certainty, when everything is uncertain. I have had my share of experiences in this world, not any more important than yours or the next persons. I have read my share of information pertaining to this world we inhabit that is of sadening nature. I have lost so much faith in the illusion that had been distilled in me since my birth into this machine of society. It would be pure ludicrousy and illogical for me to continue to strive for anything better, drowning in a sea of shit beyond anything you or I could imagine. So why, why bother to change anything - the ocean is so vast and so strong that not even all the winds of the earth could displace it onto land, or cast it into the sky.
There are many levels of opression that one must overcome in order to understand how pathetic, and beautiful our little existance is. We are enslaved at the highest level, down the spectrum, to the lowest level. We are imprisoned so efficiently in our own mind, that there is no need to take it to such a militaristic or totalitarian level. Without devoulging into my opinions about goverment, kings, leaders, and secret powers of the world (of which I have so so many); I want to sit with you and help you help me shake the trash from our bodies and mind. To thrust ourselves into something much more real, even if it has a risk. Because it comes down to a simple question, Do you wish to live in your own world, or in the world of somebody elses? And if the latter, then do not complain when the decisions are made for you, and are made poorly.
"-Everything- is just a matter of time."
In the specific exploration of my own mind and self. I have come across something that I have never taken notice of or thought to give mind to. Recently, I have been reading the books of Robert Monroe - a pioneer in OOBE (out of body experiences) . His words are insightful, his approach logical, and curiousity; I'm envious of that. His work shines hope on something that they dont even teach in school. That something has yet to be discovered. We are taught that everything is known for the most part, and to just go along with it. If any new belief systems emerge, they are squashed. If any changes are brought fourth, they are discarded. And so is the nature of human beings, fear. Fear of change, fear of uncertainty. The compelte fear of losing ones life, ones only life. Imagine, being held at gunpoint - and holding your only silver dollar. The one silver dollar that keeps your alive. And the other holding the gun proclaims that "you better keep it close, or else someone could take it in but an instant." You go throughout your life, cheating others, leaving others to lose their coin. You become terribly selfish, and impose that selfishness on your children, friends, family. And it is not until you lose that coin, that you realize how little it was on the grand scheme of things. That one coin, that one coin that was given to provide you with life, became the one coin that deprived you of life. And why?
Because somebody imposed that idea on you.
And with that I will begin this blog. I plan to make these little exerpts from time to time - or even frequently.
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