Journal Entry one. Batch entries.

Here is the journal I have kept of my experiences with Robert Monroe's methods. These were written very shortly after I experienced them in some cases, and even written during them. I ask that you keep an open mind, and before claiming im a kook - begin to ask "why" instead. And never stop asking why.

January 2009

Dream 1 - laying in my bed, all reality was as true as i could see it. Couldn't sit up, felt as if i was being held down, or trapped. I tried and tried and couldn't raise my face. My whole body was too heavy to lift. I looked left, and i saw what seemed to be a bright white being laying on its stomach next to me. In complete fear, and knowing that i couldn't move to run away or swat it away, i began to blow at it. funny really, but in my dream it was the only thing i could do to show resistance. dream ended right afterward. woke up stressed out.

Post Dream 2 - Woke up from a dream I don't remember. My body felt very weird. The best way i could describe it was a buzzing or humming feeling throughout my whole body. Coupled with this was a sensation of heat, or warmth shooting in waves from my head to my feet. The heat seemed to collect at my feet, but never grew past it. After sitting up and drinking water, the sensations subsided and i fell asleep.
***Worth noting: After waking up and feeling this, I checked my pulse and noticed that my heart rate was normal, and my heart rate never rose throughout the whole experience. It felt as if the sensation acted outside of my physiology? No fever, chills or sickness followed in the days after this experience. A history of panic attacks and anxiety problems and no heart rate change?

These two events are all prior to me receiving Robert Monroe's book, and/or knowledge of the details about OOBE's.

1/14/09
Prior to laying down to bed, I turned off my computer, phone, and replaced my sweater with one that didn't have a zipper or metal rings for the string holes. I did these things as outlined in Robert Monroe's book to remove any chance of interruptions or distractions, and to remove any possibility of the metal i wear messing with any flow of electricity he believes flows through you during the process. I laid down to bed, with my head facing north. It was not my usual orientation when laying down, so It felt upside down. As I laid I kept still, but relaxed. I kept my eyes closed throughout the cycle. I tried to concentrate on my eyes closed. Eventually my mind began to slip and I felt the fleeting of consciousness start. I try focusing on different distances as Mr. Monroe outlined while my eyes were closed. My body was still so still, but still relaxed. The sensation of feeling my body started to fade. At this time my memory is hazy. Almost without warning I felt a disassociation with my body. The best way to describe it was it felt like the reception of my body was being disturbed, and my "second body" began to warp and distort within my physical self. I felt motion disorientation as I began to feel movement left, and then right - each time snapping back. My body became very warm, and I kept keen waiting for vibrations of any sort ( or anything close to what I experienced the week before.) Instead of the vibrations, it almost felt as my core (chest, abdomen etc. ) began to vanish?, or float in place - inside my physical self. This sensation was immediately exciting, and my heart began to throb in my chest. I tried to calm myself, but my (body) seemed to be very anxious of it. I say this because in my mind, I kept calm and talked myself down - but my heart still pounded out of my chest. I feel the need to express that my fear/excitement was very very real, and that sensation was truly something else. I've experienced panic attacks, and have had a history of anxiety. This sensation was something very different, and I'm not surprised in the least my body reacted the way it did. My physician says that my body reacts accordingly due to what he claimed was "post-traumatic stress" for the body, due to my 9 month case of prostatitus and all of its forms. After I calmed down and attempted again with no success. I had though i had disconnected my arms for a while, but couldn't "raise" them or anything. As of writing this now, my arms feel stressed and my stomach is wrenched. Slight nausia.

1/22/09
Woke up around 7am and went pee, couldnt fall back to sleep. Drifted in and out of sleepiness until event at 8:45 this morning. In my dream I was in what would be deemed as a "travel", but I'm not entirely confident it was "real". In it I was walking through the house of an ex girlfriend, There i was accompanied by 2 girl companions I've met over the years, and a third I cant remember. We knew to perform a sexual act, and apparently did in an instant? But felt like we didnt. We were interupted by noise and a group came in the front door. It was a bunch of children I've never seen before, but they all had very distinct features as if they were real. They could see me and stopped to watch me. My ex's girlfriend came in with another adult and they could not see me. I wish to be "home" and I warped back into what would be my body. Heres where I'm unconfident. My bed was my bed, but I was back at my home in Ayer. There I was "waking up from a dream" in my dream. While there, I felt vibrations (and with my eyes closed) i felt i was a spiral tunnel with what could only be described as runewords with a spec of light at the end. I also heard what seemed like wind rushing by my ear. The vibrations were pretty powerful but came in waves. The waves of vibration and the spiral tunnel coinscided with eachother when they happened. At one point, I felt as if I seperated, and I wanted to see my body to confirm. I completed this task, (partially at least - I still dont know how to see consistantly with my eyes closed. The only way to describe it is the physical sensation of having your eyes closed, but sight like its clear day - comes and goes.) and wished to return to my body. I didnt feel a rush and/or wasnt sure if I had returned, so I began to move and sat up in bed. Felt as if I was where I should be, and felt that the place i was in before was familiar but not here unfortunantly. This coupled with the fact that when I viewed myself, I saw the back of my head with covers over me, and my head even seemed to turn as my body rolled over in bed? When waking up, I noticed my hood was over my head, thus leading me to speculate that it was either not me, or just a complete fabrication of the whole experience/event in my dream. One thing to note however, the vibrations were felt even a small instant after sitting up. And prior to sitting up, it felt as if I was aware yet eyes closed (unsure if I had returned or not, and afraid to find out what would happened if I woke up and hadnt yet.) It could very well be possible that I was just dreaming, but the dreaming began to initiate what would be considered the beginning stages of an OOBE.

Note: No high heart rate or disorientation after waking up. Began reading the first pages of Far Journeys. Wonder if my reintigration into this has either sparked the experience again, or if its a vabrication of what I had read prior to falling asleep.

1/29/09 9:21am
Woke up to goto the bathroom. After laying back down, I proceeded to lay on my stomach. After becoming uncomfortable, I turned my head so I would be laying on my stomach with my face facing the wall instead. Shortly thereafter, with my eyes closed, I began to feel like I was seeing a winter road through the windshield of a car. That vision faded, and then I saw what seemed to be an infinite amount of squiggling (bacteria?) Right after this they dissapeared, and I saw the spinning runes again. This was accompanied by the strong vibration. I remember even feeling myself laying on my arm while I vibrated. When the vibrations went away, I felt as if I began to fall through my bed. Then, I attempted to float up and hover just above my body. After feeling like I should wake, I tried to open my eyes to "return". When I did I got up from bed, but when I got up my room was different - but it still felt like my room. In my room was a desktop, but the computer was dismantled with a disc in the tray. I noticed the shade was opened at the window as well. I was puzzled and figured I would go get my roomate to complain. When I entered his room, his room was empty save for a small tv stand - he was not present. I became very confused, and then I woke up. This is another instance where I was certain I was experiencing the vibrations that precede an OOBE, but wound up in what would seem like a dream. I cannot tell the difference between the point where I actually fell asleep, or if I fell asleep due to it? I'm dismayed. I can't figure out why this keeps happening in this way. It feels SO real when it happens, only to be surprised when I wake up (as in wake up for real, not wake up into another dream). And thats another thing, I seem to make a habit of that, waking up twice. Is this just my imagination?

Note: I had read a couple chapters of Far Journeys before going to bed. However, those chapters were different in nature, and my experience didn't resemble anything I had read. Did simply reading that book encourage my imagination to hallucinate the next morning? If so, how did it know WHAT exactly to hallucinate? Or, does reading the book remind me of it - thus activating it in my subconscious. If it is all a dream, then my imagination is very very creative. Given the fact that the vibrations and sensations are all so so real. And don't just tell me thats the way it is. We are all pretty much experts with dreams, having experienced them every night our entire lives. I'm not trying to make these recent cases special, but merely try to ask the simple question, "why".

This sensation 1/29/09 10:01pm

-This is all after smoking marijuanna that evening-

feels like a pinch, or orb wrapping around in my head. It has a travel path, down over my face, in between my eyes to the core of my skull. It goes side to side of my head.I felt it loop down from the top of my head past my face and over my mouth! under my chin and then it settles in the direct center of my head. - after it flew the the top left of my head.!!


my body is twitching randomly
shaking
hyper aware
im going to try and feel it again.

theres two now. i feel like i might of split it! i was trying to see if i could tell it to move somewhere else in my head. and while trying to send it right, i think it split. Its growing now. im becoming worried.

it has decided to station itself over my left eye. it feels really heavy and is shooting things down into my left neck. i dont how to describe, it has a route in which the pinch follows.

its spread to under my left armpit and to my chest. its like a burning or frozen feeling.im afraid. its stationed at my prostate. its moving up my urethra. it feels very uncomfortable. it feels like a goddamn surgery. whole body shivering now.maybe im cold.

**morning - at one point i texted a friend to tell him of what i was experiencing, just incase "something" happened. While we conversed, the shaking became very profound. This worried me greatly, i was wondering if this was the beginning stages of a break down or panic attack. But then, there was a point where i felt like I knew why. I quickly disposed of the phone onto my bed, and then my shiverings disapeared! It was as if the electrical radiation from the phone was interfering with whatever was happening to me. I wanted to test this so i picked it up again, the shivers didnt come back right away, but i felt like my current mind state would of made myself shiver for even holding it anyways now. so i put it back down. prior to this i shivered at my computer, also an electronic device.
when i thought i might of been cold, i went and layed down under the covers of my bed to be warm. the sensation continued. at one point when i was hunched over in my bed, i felt like the sensation had moved to the top left of my back. it was a larger sensation, like the one i had felt under my left arm. It was concentrated, as if something was working on my back. I then felt the pinch/orb/pressure moving up and down the left side of my spine. it literally went all the way down, then all the way up to my neck - and my whole neck stiffened when it did! At one point i became very tired, so i layed down on my side and began to drift into sleep. On two occasions, i was awakened by a flash of hot concentrated on my left knee as i lay on my right side (the knee that was on top). The only way to really describe it was it felt like a slap! And when i had snapped out of falling asleep, i had realized that the "balls" pinches/pressures whatever were all in the center of my head, and then seeing that i had snapped out of sleep, continued back down into my body. At one point i felt like i was being carried, given the position of what felt like hands at certain places on my body. At this point i fell asleep and then had dreams that werent related to anything. a normal night sleep. Throughout the experience, it had felt as if this "orb" traveled around inside my body, as if i was completely comprised of water.

1/30/09 9am
This morning i began to read Far Journeys. Within two pages, I had read a paragraph describing nearly the same sensation i had had! And then i came across another paragraph describing the same sensation, and the person described it as medical treatment for the energy body, not really the physical! This wasnt just me looking for this stuff, these are ACTUAL paragraphs outlinging this SPECIFIC sensation, and AT NO POINT was this covered in the books beforehand - nor had i read ANYTHING about this. it reminds me of the first "vibrations" i had felt the week before recieving Journeys out of the Body.
The biggest thing about last nights experiences was that I knew, I had felt, the purpose of it. I knew that it wasn't malevolant, i knew i was going to be Ok - but i was still frightened given my lack of understanding. It had a "trust" feeling with it.

2/1/09
I have begun my exploration of the Monroe Gateway Program tapes. Finished up to Discovery 2 - Intro to Focus 10. Strange sensations throughout the first and second sessions in Discovery. In the first session, I began to drift asleep, and was awoken from what felt like shocks of electricity or twitches. Had a very very heavy sensation on the top of my nose. It weighed down so heavily, it felt like it was falling into my skull. In the second session, similar sensations took place. This time, while in relaxation, I felt something pressing against the right side of my jaw near my teeth. It felt like it was pushing it to the point where it was about to break, but not so much so? I adjusted because it came increasingly uncomfortable, and experienced what seemed to be a light, faint resistance. I also felt a sensation in my left pinky (which was stationary to my side). It became frigidly cold, I almost moved to check if my blanket was properly over me - but chose not to because I knew I had done so properly. The cold became more prevalent, and after a while, it felt as if my pinky was resting on a slap of cold steel or ice. To accompany these strange sensations, another arose in my shins. They felt terribly terrible heavy, as if the muscle and skin was going to tear right off the bone. This sensation was very uncomfortable, and nearly lost my discipline to move and end it. In the part of the second session where the narrator starts to walk you through relaxing your entire body in segments, I seemed to of lost consciousness after it had me relax my eye lids. (not for any specific reason) I believe I was dreaming because it felt as an instant - and I was awake. When I woke up, I found that the narrator had just begun to inform you that you have ended this session, and to get up and stretch. I found this odd, I had listened to session two on my walk to work and the narrator goes through moving that sequential relaxation down from your face and head to your whole body. And the point when the narrator informs your of your completion is of no specific, or importance as an event itself. I found it odd my "coincidence" of waking up at that point in time.
I had experienced other sensations throughout the two sessions, such as the beginning of session one, when you are first introduced to the Hemi-Sync. With my eyes closed, I kept seeing a flicker of light - then a sensation of disorientation, as if I was becoming surged. I had also experienced sensations of intense heat, and feelings of displacement in my bed (as if I was bouncing, or sliding back and fourth like a film reel skipping).